Rock of Ages

Tom Cruise’s latest impossible mission? Taking the hair band musical Rock of Ages from Broadway to the big screen. Does he rock it like a hurricane? Not really. Does he embarrass himself? Not really. Does it matter? Not really.

Taking the musical onscreen adds a reality that this karaoke fluffer can’t handle. There are a few fun moments, but this is crap for any ages.

Simply put: Tom Cruise hits the right notes. It hardly matters.

Award potential: None.

The ten buck review: Not worth ten bucks.

The Intouchables

A wheelchair bound millionaire finds his life enriched by a wise black man from the ghettos. Sounds like a horribly condescending Morgan Freeman drama or a Steve Carrell/Chris Rock buddy comedy, right?

Well, it’s neither. The Intouchables is a French film and a feel-good dramatic comedy about an improbable friendship. Credit the effortless, fun and hearty script that stays on the edge of melodrama and just shy of being trite.

And credit the chemistry of its two leads. Francois Cluzet and Omar Sy are excellent in this film. Omar’s grin is the most hypnotic smile since Julia Roberts’s smile first graced the screen. Yeh, somehow, this film just works and you realize why it’s become such a sensation in its native country.

Simply put: An enchanting crowd-pleaser. You’re likely to smile at least half the size of Omar Sy’s grin.

Award potential: France will likely enter this for Best Foreign Film. However, it’s too breezy to be taken seriously for that award.

The ten buck review: Worth ten bucks.

Snow White and the Huntsman

In the epic action-adventure Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen Stewart plays the iconic Snow White — the only person fairer than the evil queen (Charlize Theron), who is out to destroy her. Chris Hemsworth is the huntsman that aspires to save her.

Too bad he can’t save this bloated film. I’d like to trim it by about 30 (long) minutes.

The film looks ravishing, but there's no heart in this grim re-imagining of the famous story. Ironically, a lot of the heartlessness rests with Snow White. Master of the single-expression, Kristen Stewart, was terribly miscast as an actress. I mean, terribly miscast as an actress who can play a woman whose heart is so pure that it will bring life to the doomed land.

Charlize has a delightful time in this role, and her scenes are unforgettable. It’s a shame the rest of the film is such a bad, rotten apple.

Simply put:  Definitely not the fairest version of them all. But Charlize Theron, as the evil Queen, is.

Award potential:  Should be on the long list for Best Costume Design.

The ten buck review: Not worth ten bucks.

Prometheus

The hype over Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, otherwise known as The Alien prequel, has been hovering over plant earth for months. This week, the sci-fi movie landed in theaters and it turns out that we didn’t get a masterpiece, we got a visual stunning mess-terpiece.

The film looks absolutely amazing on the big screen, and it’s particularly sharp in 3D.

Prometheus starts out beautifully with a fine cast, thoughtful dialogue on the birth of man and a suspenseful journey through a cavern in space. For a few minutes, I thought I was watching the thriller movie of the year — but somewhere after the first act everything gets predictable and even silly, as if someone involved with the script and characters had completely lost their head.

Prometheus comes out of the gate asking grand, curious questions, and then saves the answers for a sequel.

Simply put:  Out of this world graphics and a story that doesn’t follow through.

Award potential:  Some potential for effects.

The ten buck review: Not worth ten bucks.

Men In Black 3

Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) are back in time for summer movie blockbuster season.  And they’re back in time — specifically, 1969. 

A series of forgettable events takes J back to the 1960’s to pair up with a younger K (played by Josh Brolin). Brolin impersonating the mannerisms and vocal tics of Tommy Lee Jones is worth the price of admission alone. Yeh, sport, this could have turned into a SNL skit, but Brolin transcends simple imitations and refreshes one of the series’ best bits — the buddy routine.

Oddly, since it’s more modern, what feels tired is the series’ other bit – the creepy aliens among us. The funny yucks and the yucky 3-D gross outs are quite a bore. You can’t help but think that this feels like the last gasp of story that the series has to offer. MIB3 adds agent O, played fabulously by Emma Thompson. J, O, K….I’m pretty sure if there’s a fourth installment, we’ll know who the joke is on.

Simply put:  Fair to say that you’ll forget most of this stuff faster than you can be neutralized, but Brolin’s out of this world performance makes it fun enough for a summer escape.

Award potential:  Although Brolin is doing more impressions than Meryl these days, it’s very unlikely.

The ten buck review: Worth ten bucks, barely.

The Avengers

Legions of super hero fans have anticipated this mother of all comic book movies for half a decade as Marvel has shamelessly teased it since Iron Man in 2008. In fact, the abrupt teaser at the end of Captain America actually ruined that film for me, but I’m pleased to say that the super duper hype was actually worth it.

Before seeing the film, I feared that this mash up of marvels would be a circus similar to what happened with Iron Man 2 and the mid ‘90s Batman movies — too many characters and too many stories. But the opposite happened. What makes this film so absorbing is the interaction of the multiple characters.

Which is true to what made Marvel’s The Avengers such a revolutionary ‘60s comic book in the first place- the collection of egotistical, complicated heroes created a dynamic situation. Power struggles vs. power team dynamics. Super egos vs super friends. Here we get all that and Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark. 

When these troubled freaks interact and unleash on each other, it’s a smash. Hulk – smash!

Simply put:  Marvelous. Zippy banter.  Spectacular effects. And the best Bruce Banner yet. Sure to please die hards — and casual movie fans too.

Award potential:  Unlikely. Judged against other super hero films it’s in the elite club with the first and last Batman movies, ‘70s Superman,‘90s Spiderman, 2000's Iron Man, and 2010's XMen:First Class.

The ten buck review: Worth ten bucks.

Summer Movie List

2012 Summer Movies - By Opening Weekend

May 4

The Avengers

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (Judi Dench, Maggie Smith)

May 11

Dark Shadows (Johnny Depp)

The Dictator (Sacha Baron Cohen)

May 18

Battleship

What To Expect When You’re Expecting (Jennifer Lopez, Cameron Diaz, Chris Rock)

May 25

Men In Black 3 (Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones)

Moonrise Kingdom (Wes Anderson film with Bruce Willis, Ed Norton)

June 1

Snow White and the Huntsman (Charlize Theron)

Piranha 3D

June 8

Promethus (Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender)

Madagascar 3

June 15

Rock of Ages (Tom Cruise)

That’s My Boy (Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg)

The Woman in the Fifth (Kristin Scott Thomas)

June 22

To Rome With Love (Woody Allen film with Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz)

Brave (Animated w/ voice of Emma Thompson)

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Seeking A Friend For The End of The World (Keira Knightley, Adam Brody)

June 29

Ted (Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Mila Kunis)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis)

Magic Mike (Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey)

July 3

The Amazing Spider-Man

July 6

Savages (Oliver Stone film with Blake Lively, Benicio Del Toro, John Travolta)

Katy Perry: Part of Me 3-D

The Queen of Versailles (doc)

The Magic of Belle Isle (Morgan Freeeman)

July  13

Ice Age: Continental Drift 3D

July 20

The Dark Knight Rises

July 27

Step Up Revolution

Neighborhood Watch (Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill)

Tyler Perry’s The Marriage Counselor (Kim Kardashian)

August 3

The Bourne Legacy (Jeremy Renner)

Total Recall (Colin Farrell)

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days

August 10

The Campaign (Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis)

Hope Springs (Meryl Streep, Steve Carell)

Wednesday, August 15

The Odd Life of Timothy Green (Disney)

August 17

Expendables 2 (Arnold, Stalone, Bruce Willis)

Sparkle (Whitney Houston, Jordin Sparks)

ParaNorman (Animated)

August 24

Premium Rush (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)

Hit and Run/Outrun (Bradley Cooper, Kristen Bell)

August 31

7500

Lawless (Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce)